Contentment...

I find myself at a point in my life where I am, simply put, consistently content.

I wouldn't say that I'm overly happy, per se. Yet (almost more importantly) I'm not sad or depressed, and I haven't felt either in quite some time. I just am. I'm fine with myself and my surroundings and the people I see every day. I'm fine with my job and my living arrangements and all the things that make me, me.

I am content with my world.

I find myself in awe of this continuous state, and the analytical side of me tries to dissect the root cause: Why am I complacent with the world around me? What has changed - my environment or me? And probably most importantly: How do I hold on to this state of being so it doesn't slip from my grasp?

Having led a complicated life journey thus far, I’ve spent countless days exploring the dark caverns of my depression. Anyone who knows this road, knows it's a long, lonely path that has no end in sight. It's kind of funny (in a sad way), but at first I didn't even realize I had left this part of me behind. There was no epiphany or sudden awaking; no realization that I was free from the sadness. It was gradual. And even now, looking back, I couldn't tell you when it ended. I can just say, with certainty, that it is behind me now.

As one does with any life lesson, I have to learn from my mistakes so that they aren't repeated. I have to hold on to this new me and not get lost down unwelcoming roads again. I have to analyze myself: Γνώθι σ 'αυτόν.

My world outside of me (a.k.a. my environment) has remained, for the most part, static for the past year or so. I have lived in the same apartment, with the same roommate. I have worked at the same place, with (roughly) the same people. I have kept the same friends and done much of the same things for quite some time without any drastic changes.

So then it must be me.

I changed, and for the better - but why? If it was that simple, I must be a dumbass for not doing it sooner! My cup was empty and I was thirsty, yet I did nothing about it. I ached for change; I yearned for happiness. In spite of my best efforts, however, it eluded me for the longest time - until I discovered a rather simple philosophy that was like water for my soul...

Mindfulness.

It's laughably simple and has been staring me in the face for quite some time (how clever the obvious can go unnoticed!). There's really nothing to it - just be mindful of the world around you. Be present in the current moment and you will find peace. I've studied Taoism before and had the philosophy repeatedly shouted in my face by Lao Tzu. It just never clicked until recently. I don't attribute this to any one source, other than making it a priority to just be mindful of my thoughts and actions in the world around me.

I truly believe that sincerely being mindful of what I am doing and how I am feeling has had a major impact on my outlook on life. When I catch myself becoming even the slightest bit sad or I sense anger rising up within me (generally when I'm driving - road rage is bad!), I stop and immediately ask myself: why? Sure, that asshole totally cut me off and I had to swerve to avoid crashing, but what good does getting angry do? Where does allowing myself to swell in anger get me? There is no point really, and it only leads to stress. But now, by the time I've asked myself these questions, the moment has passed and the bad feelings have melted away...and I laugh. I laugh at myself for being so petty. I laugh because I already feel better and for no other reason than preventing myself from losing control.

Obviously, this mindfulness applies to all situations (not just road rage). And I find that the more I am aware of my actions and thoughts, the more peace I let into my soul. And it doesn't just stop there - mindfulness means being aware of the actions and emotions of those around you as well. It's a lot to take in at once and can be slightly overwhelming, but the most important thing is to enjoy the moment with all that you are and let the present wash over you in its entirety.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be an expert in this field at all. In fact, I'm quite far from enlightenment. I've only just taken the first couple of steps along this path, yet the rewards have already been quite noticeable:

I am content with everything.