If You Forget Me

This is not my typical blog post (although, looking back at everything, I don't really feel like there is a "typical...").  

I just read a poem and wanted to keep it somewhere I would always have it. I find this absolutely beautiful and it speaks to my soul at this precise moment in time...

If You Forget Me  by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

A poem for a random blog update...

Mi Luna y Estrellas 
by Marc Malonzo (inspired by mi amor, Ashley Ann Cabrera)

I was lost at sea in the core of my being, Not even knowing what it was that I wanted, Let alone where I was supposed to be going. Blinded by the shadows of my former self, And the clouded horizon of my past, I failed to see that which stood before me; That which had always stood before me, Waiting ever so patiently for me to awaken. But suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, The clouds in my soul parted, and I finally saw the Moon rising amongst the Stars! Such a breathtaking sight that words fail To describe the awe inspiring beauty that stood before me. And I knew in that moment, Beyond even the faintest shadow of a doubt, That I would be utterly lost without that which came to save me: Mi Luna y Estrellas! What's more, in an epiphany Of sudden realization, I knew that They had always been there before me, Standing with a strength I have still yet to fathom; A strength with the endurance To wait for my eyes to finally open and see: That the Moon rises for me alone, And the Stars shine in your eyes always. And it was at that moment, that I knew only one thing mattered, and Everything else suddenly melted away: I am completely yours, Dear One, If you will have me. Forevermore. And I vow to make your heart smile every single day For as many days that I draw breath into my lungs! My heart beats only for you, Mi Luna y Estrellas!

In the lottery of life, I won big time...

An ode to the woman who brought me into this world...

I love my mom.  On the surface, it’s rather cliché - everyone loves their mom, it’s a basic almost primal part of life.  But in this case, it’s more than just the love of a child for his mother, my mom is truly a special human being, and I wanted to share this with everyone I know. Even at the risk of being called a “momma’s boy,” I’m not afraid to say it: my mom is one of the coolest, smartest, and kindest people I know!

Of all the life lessons she has imparted upon me, the one that defines my mother the best is “work hard, play hard.”  She started her own computer consulting company in her mid-thirties, built it up and sold it, and then retired at the ripe old age of 42.  She and my stepdad also own a condo that is a ⅓ of a block off of Bourbon Street in New Orleans.  If that doesn’t epitomize the “work hard, play hard” philosophy, I don’t know what does!

After retirement, my mom turned to volunteering.  Most notably, she became a Guardian ad Litem (which, for those of you that don’t know, is a person appointed by the court to represent the interests of a child in a custody case - in short: they are the voice of the child in the courtroom). Within a few short years she had also become the president of Child Advocates II, a non-profit organization whose mission was to help raise funds and general support for the Guardian ad Litem program - which, together with being a guardian with several assigned cases, was almost a full time job.  She was even selected by the Tallahassee Democrat as the volunteer of the year, but she turned the award down, explaining that she did not do the things she did for recognition.

To give you a little insight as to some of the impact she had as a volunteer, I turn to the words of a child from one of her cases.  This child entered (and won!) an essay contest on the subject of “divine inner beauty” and she chose to write it about my mom. The following is an excerpt from that essay, and while a little long (for an excerpt) it is a moving read and I don’t think I could make the point any better myself:

“In my case, my life was impacted on a personal level by a woman named Katherine Blyth. Her inner beauty made a huge impact on my life in ways that most people cannot relate. When I was eight years old, I was placed in foster care. Being so young I couldn't really understand what was going on and I kind of felt as though somehow it was my fault. I met Mrs. Katherine because she was assigned to my case as a volunteer Guardian ad Litem. She came and did nothing but be nice and help me understand what was happening and that it wasn't my fault. I called her my “guardian angel” because I wasn't used to meeting people who cared and did so much for a person they did not know or at least was not related to them.

Now I am 17 years old and she is still in my life as a motivator and she is helping me reach my goal in life. When I was younger I kind of felt unloved and unwanted and that I couldn't do anything in my life but follow in the footsteps of my family and repeat my family's history. Katherine helped me understand that there is nothing in life that I can't do! And that I don't have to follow in their footsteps because I am my own person and I can do anything I want to better myself and my life. I wanted to give up on school and life but she helped me get assistance with school and get a better understanding of things in my life. Katherine is a sweet person and kind hearted. She helps any and every body she can. Her inner beauty is just so beautiful I truly would not be where I am today, graduating from high school this year and also having my current mindset. She is a Godly woman with a caring and genuine heart. I now call her my Godmother and she plays a major role in my life to this day and hopefully in my future.”

And this was only one of many children my mom helped in her time as a Guardian! I cannot express the pride and emotion I experience when I think of all that my mom has done to help children that aren’t even her own.

In addition to all of her above accomplishments, my superlative mother was also a full time mom of 6 children (biological mother of 3 and stepmother of 3 more) - and she loved, nurtured, taught, and encouraged each of us to be the best we can be in life. My memories of growing up under her roof are some of my fondest, and our family remains closely knit thanks to the way she ran her household. My mother's favorite saying is "steadfast perseverance," and I think she has imparted that unto us by example. This is a woman we can all look up to, and I hope to grow to become even half the person she is.

I am here to say that I stand in awe of my mother as one of the most decent and inspiring human beings I have had the privilege to meet.  I count my blessings every day, to not only know her, but to call her my mom.  And on this most holy of holidays, I had to let the world know just how special she is and how lucky the world is to have her.

Happy Mother’s Day, Momma!!!

I love you more than words can express, but the above was my best attempt.  I hope you know you mean the world to me and I would be completely lost without you!  I love you with every beat of my heart!

Contentment...

I find myself at a point in my life where I am, simply put, consistently content.

I wouldn't say that I'm overly happy, per se. Yet (almost more importantly) I'm not sad or depressed, and I haven't felt either in quite some time. I just am. I'm fine with myself and my surroundings and the people I see every day. I'm fine with my job and my living arrangements and all the things that make me, me.

I am content with my world.

I find myself in awe of this continuous state, and the analytical side of me tries to dissect the root cause: Why am I complacent with the world around me? What has changed - my environment or me? And probably most importantly: How do I hold on to this state of being so it doesn't slip from my grasp?

Having led a complicated life journey thus far, I’ve spent countless days exploring the dark caverns of my depression. Anyone who knows this road, knows it's a long, lonely path that has no end in sight. It's kind of funny (in a sad way), but at first I didn't even realize I had left this part of me behind. There was no epiphany or sudden awaking; no realization that I was free from the sadness. It was gradual. And even now, looking back, I couldn't tell you when it ended. I can just say, with certainty, that it is behind me now.

As one does with any life lesson, I have to learn from my mistakes so that they aren't repeated. I have to hold on to this new me and not get lost down unwelcoming roads again. I have to analyze myself: Γνώθι σ 'αυτόν.

My world outside of me (a.k.a. my environment) has remained, for the most part, static for the past year or so. I have lived in the same apartment, with the same roommate. I have worked at the same place, with (roughly) the same people. I have kept the same friends and done much of the same things for quite some time without any drastic changes.

So then it must be me.

I changed, and for the better - but why? If it was that simple, I must be a dumbass for not doing it sooner! My cup was empty and I was thirsty, yet I did nothing about it. I ached for change; I yearned for happiness. In spite of my best efforts, however, it eluded me for the longest time - until I discovered a rather simple philosophy that was like water for my soul...

Mindfulness.

It's laughably simple and has been staring me in the face for quite some time (how clever the obvious can go unnoticed!). There's really nothing to it - just be mindful of the world around you. Be present in the current moment and you will find peace. I've studied Taoism before and had the philosophy repeatedly shouted in my face by Lao Tzu. It just never clicked until recently. I don't attribute this to any one source, other than making it a priority to just be mindful of my thoughts and actions in the world around me.

I truly believe that sincerely being mindful of what I am doing and how I am feeling has had a major impact on my outlook on life. When I catch myself becoming even the slightest bit sad or I sense anger rising up within me (generally when I'm driving - road rage is bad!), I stop and immediately ask myself: why? Sure, that asshole totally cut me off and I had to swerve to avoid crashing, but what good does getting angry do? Where does allowing myself to swell in anger get me? There is no point really, and it only leads to stress. But now, by the time I've asked myself these questions, the moment has passed and the bad feelings have melted away...and I laugh. I laugh at myself for being so petty. I laugh because I already feel better and for no other reason than preventing myself from losing control.

Obviously, this mindfulness applies to all situations (not just road rage). And I find that the more I am aware of my actions and thoughts, the more peace I let into my soul. And it doesn't just stop there - mindfulness means being aware of the actions and emotions of those around you as well. It's a lot to take in at once and can be slightly overwhelming, but the most important thing is to enjoy the moment with all that you are and let the present wash over you in its entirety.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be an expert in this field at all. In fact, I'm quite far from enlightenment. I've only just taken the first couple of steps along this path, yet the rewards have already been quite noticeable:

I am content with everything.

You gotta love this guy...

I know some of you out there will probably be thinking, "aww, poor guy!" - but if you knew him, you would know he is a "character" (to say the least!) and this is just hilarious...

Quote of the week occurred yesterday when I was sitting at my desk:

Nico - "Hey Marc, you gotta go get your picture taken with Simon...he is PASSED the hell out at his desk!"

Unfortunately, I arrived too late for my picture to be taken, but Simon remained clueless:


Fortunately, many other pictures were taken before he woke up :-) Too bad I didn't get there in time!











Gotta love Simon!

Office pranks = hilarious

Yesterday, while on my way to leave for dinner, I saw a couple of office-mates gathered around a nearby desk.

So I went to investigate...


Apparently, for the past couple of weeks a few guys have been lowering a coworker's desk ever so slightly each day.

This went completely unnoticed.

So they also started moving his desk back, closer to the wall - again, ever so slightly each day.

This also went unnoticed.

Yesterday, several desks were found that match our current desks in every way, except that they are about 25% smaller in surface area...one was immediately switched with his desk. It was then debated whether they should again lower the new smaller desk, like normal for the daily adjustment. It was assumed that he would have to notice both changes at once - but eventually agreed to just do it.

The end result:


He's working as if everything was the same!

LLOL!

-m

Wow, update much?

I've decided that I am going to update my web log, or blog, at least once a week with something meaningful from me (this means posts that only include a quote(s) do not count).

I wonder how long this will last :-)